btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
