Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
