So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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