'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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