sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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