Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
