My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
