my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize