Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have tasted many bathrooms
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize