How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
