I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
