Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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