i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
