do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
