i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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