I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Blood and glitter go together right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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