it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
