that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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