I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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