this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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