what if every blade of grass was a penis?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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