Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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