I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
