Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's the barista slut.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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