Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The best revenge is premature balding
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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