I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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