Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
