just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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