You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
