Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
