Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
