i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
