remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
