Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
