How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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