You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
