WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
