You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
