Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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