we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
