I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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