he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
