i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
