don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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