i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
