Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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