I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
