worst night to have a conscience
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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