She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
