dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
