Having a random hookup so left but love u
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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