Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
