oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
