I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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