You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize