Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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