The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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