So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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