You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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