Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
