I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
