He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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