My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
