I'm lost and stupid without you.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
