I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
