you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
