fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
