So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
